I used to wonder if heaven and hell were real.
And if so, can transgender people go to heaven?
Or could I go to hell, for not accepting the body that I was given?
My life started out pretty typical for a little girl. I was taught that I was supposed to love pink, barbies and ponies. I felt uncomfortable wearing skirts and dresses.
I always felt weird.
I never wanted to play with the other little girls at school but I was too shy to ask to play with the boys. I knew that ‘girls can’t play boy games’.
I thought I was just bad at being a girl.
As I grew into my tweens, I realised I don’t actually like any of the things I’d been taught to like. I had been manipulated by others and myself.
I felt guilty that someone as privileged and healthy as I could feel so wrong in their own body.
I was isolated and so alone until I stumbled upon gender identity and sexuality videos online.
I finally understood why I felt so wrong my entire life. I wished I could go back in time and tell my younger self why I felt so strange.
I am actually a boy.
I came out to my family and while some people accepted me, it wasn’t so easy for others. I fell into depression and suicidal thoughts dealing with it, but I eventually came out the other side.
Nowadays I’m as masculine as I could be. My father accepts me, my mother accepts me, and I accept me. I should be going on testosterone later this year!
Although I missed my childhood as a little boy, I still have the rest of my life to be a man. And that’s as much heaven as I could ever want.